Jag Yggdrasil (jagyggdrasil) wrote,
Jag Yggdrasil
jagyggdrasil

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A Girlfriend.........

Well......, the latest phase of my awakening......, has truly startled......me.... . It's as if.....memories...., are coming back to me. Instinctual~......memories~.......and feelings. Memories and feelings that are so intense, I'm disoriented, actually, as I am awakening into them~...... . I KNOW FOR CERTAIN NOW, THAT I NOTE 'SOMETHING' 'IS' 'WRONG' .......'with' 'this' 'world' I witness. I ......i....KEEP....having the feeling *gulp* .... *blushes*....that I......HAVE..........*feels the color in my cheeks * * feels HOPE * ....HAD...a.....GIRLFRIEND(!?!?!)...., and......should.....still HAVE....a.... * shakes head.....dazedly* girlfriend~..... . I don't know what is happening to me, I don't know why I am feeling this way. I ...i.MEANT ...what I said about striving to stay to my pledge of celibacy~..... . All the same, and through the day even, I keep finding myself....looking left~....looking right~....., to note what but..a....HAUNTING....feeling of DISCERNMENT, DISCERNMENT AT 'ABSENCE'(!!!). I...am witnessing 'a' 'false' 'world'....., of that I am CERTAIN. I mean, I'm even feeling DESPAIR~!!!! DESPAIR THAT DOESN'T 'CLASH' 'AT' MY HAPPINESS!!! I'm totally MISERABLE..., as I witness 'this' 'strange' 'alien' 'world' I witness, but all the same, I don't 'feel' 'depressed', I FEEL ECSTATIC..........to know that the real world is real~ and true~..... . I don't, regret.....I CAN'T ......regret....ANY MOVE THAT I HAVE MADE....., in seeking the TRUTH about the world~...., my past~, and the people whom I love~...... . Me??? I'm an agony right now~........., it feels like I am supposed to be SOME PLACE~......with a person WHOM I LOVE AND CHERISH......., with a person whom loves and cherishes (!?!?!) me (!!!) (????).......... . I just don't 'fit' 'in' 'this' 'place' 'which' I witness. I'm so disoriented, I actually~.....don't even know what to do. THAT'S (!!!) HOW.....INTENSE (~!!!~) ....this feeling is. Where should I go~? Who should I meet~? What way leads to home~....., leads to the place that I belong~..... . I'm glad I didn't put forth my efforts to 'this' 'world' 'and' 'it's' 'lies', I'm glad I didn't 'make' 'a' 'record' 'deal'.... . I just want to (too) go home~.........BE home~..., be home with the people I love~......, and protect them forever and ever~. That's my wish~.... * feels a glowing sensation in my left hand~.... * ...., that's my dream~.... .
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