After an incredible year of m*ning and adventures, after an exciting season of new levels in my performance (*recalls the storms*)....., I boarded that jet.....with a smile on my face. I ***KNEW*** that the cosmic energy that...I needed to attain my goal....was present inside me.
I got on that plane, made it to the shrine city location....., and settled into a state of peace and focus.
When the destined moment came, and I (!!!) apparently revealed my hyperdimensional form....
...that was seemingly clad in a white tuxedo-like attire, an emergency (!!???!!) shutdown of sorts took place. (*Notices a hovering pair of blue eyes in front of me as I type*). Yea, but then I woke to the reformed area...as a quite large earthquake took place. What happened!?!??!?
I ***HAD*** the energy..... .
My initial thought? It likely had to have been some sort of safeguard to protect somebody...... .
"But how could that be?????"....... was what I asked myself.
So I buried my fears, and meditated.... . And meditated... . And meditated. Where was my surge event??? My signature prismatic white energy practically ***WENT*** ***DORMANT***... . Back to levels experienced ***DECADES*** ago. Some kind of dormancy administered by some aspext of *my* *being*...... .
So what did I do? I set to searching for answers.... .
Was there somebody in Japan I was supposed to find?
So I shifted gears. I went into search mode. I mean, everything seemed to be on a much much much higher level in Japan........ . Food, sanitation amenities, *overall* mana levels (generally present wherever I traveled) (and not concentrated to a single spot / region like in North America)....., (lol) *FOOD*.
Surge event or not, it, as a potential permanent residence location, was a place where I could have immediate results for my attempts to "blend in"...... .
I meditated. I searched shrines. I searched shrine after shrine....searching for any individuals with hyperdimensional energy signatures. I scanned at mortal 'virgins' 'working' at the shrines. 'Elite' 'monks' 'and' 'mikos'. Eventually, I even briefly spoke at a 'peak' 'subanime' and 'shiny'.....subanime mortal 'virgin' 'miko' to the H*kawa Shrine.....(*recalls at the giggling 'miko' *). Amidst receiving the talisman pictured below, I did not notice any trialer level energy patterns..... .
(*Shakes my head*). Not noticing any "pings" for my energy sensors / energy senses, I retired to the posh hotel.... . I think I was in shock a little bit...... .
Then that vision or...whatever....it was happened....(!!!!). Oh my gosh.....I was upset... . (*Shakes my head*).
Prelude Part II:
Back to NA, I was in a state of quiet shock. Me? I was, to try to be honest, not even ***EXPECTING*** to note that news article referencing at the ship / ship vision I had October 2016!!! Yea, just like I never would have expected to note Fenris...again (*puts my broe to my forehead and sighs..errr my hand to my brow / forehead and sighs*). (Left the typo...since it displays my shock.....that is even...still present).
What eventually (and now in hindsight.....) sealed my question about my surge event lockup though...
(*goes into the LJ December calendar*)....was these events
.... . Seems the sighted / heard blonde (who I struggled to correctly perceive) (same as how I currently note a Negro male grafted at my perception of myself).....
......a portion of myself I have not yet united / re-integrated with, was behind my abilities being put into dormancy in Japan. ***WHO*** was she trying to protect???? (*Remembers the time (the initial linknreported it) That time....I apparently saw the blonde gent...gently talking to.., and trying to console some / a figure I struggled to perceive.....I got so upset.... .
I guess because it meant I would have to witness more eneny b*******, but this time with not much of a clue of how to procede.
Because me, I do action!!! If I witness an extremely powerful God, a horrible bully, a terribke problem imposed at my path, I, just like I did last decade..., will charge forward not even knowing if I will survive. (*Groans as feels a sudden heart palpitation / arrthymia*). My form true form being that Tifa-esque lifeform, and whatever my internal anatomy is...does not change that. I stand on the frontlines with a sword and a shield in my hand, and defend that which is mine, and my people's.
I have no clue about words to console an individual with an aching heart, words to soothe an individual utterly overcome with guilt...and shame. The ***ONLY*** reason I could fully accept the gender thing (my Tifa-esque....Usagi-esque form / identity)..., aside from the needs of my people, was so long as I had and kept the chance to do things on ***MY*** terms; in example / in other words.....staying not constantly talking about "feelings" (hurting or otherwise) and "emotions" (like fear and anxiety), keeping on standing up with palpable thunder and storms backing my every word and step, having the chance to keep staying chill / having muddy fun =^_^=...mining, having the chance to not 'become' 'snooty' '/' 'prissy' '/' 'slutty' '/' 'helpless', and keeping on giving all I have to ***DO*** ***WORK***....... .
Ok. I am about to do my main article writeup. But I have to say this...before I do.
If FenrisStar (*gawks*)...uh.....ummmm. (*Facepalms as feels a tear going down the right side of my face. Is it of shock? Terror? I dunno*). If there was ever a chance Starry Maiden is / was F..FenrisStar...., then this is what I have to say before moving forward.
No mistake about it, if Starry Maiden ***IS***.....(*shakes my head*)..F...(*gukps*) FenrisS..tar....that means an ***ENORMOUS*** load of work, logistics, strategizing, and planning is in store for me (which I am willing to do).
My main struggle to get here, and move forward, was to resist at the worst aspects of a mortal that defines Negro male XY chromosome types. 'Testosterone' 'behavior'. Not courage, not bravery, not chivalry, not logic...., no responsibility and accountability. No. I am referring at 'crotch' 'grabbing' thuggish arrogance, brutality, aggression, brutishness, cruelty, malice, sardonism, thoughtlessness, and sadism. Before I even made my virginity pledge, I meditated....., refusing at the worst the 'grafted' Negro 'mind' and 'body' could offer. Even in these days I have to keep a ***CLOSE*** ***WATCH***, and be ever vigilant. It is a constant struggle.
If Starry Maiden somehow is / was trialing with me, she truly is a good person with a good heart...., BUT, from what I can currently tell....., the worst and most destructive of that Caucasian XX chromosome type graft's...behaviors art still causing problems. Seems she has been having issues blasting at all the worst of average / common Caucasian XX chromosome type 'estrogen' 'behaviors' of depression, irritability, 'acquired' 'helplessness', 'idleness', 'lying', 'deceit', 'self-pride', 'roleplaying', drama generation, 's*it' 'testing', 'complacency', and 'social' 'conformity'. (Case and point.....if the destined and prophesized starship flew overhead, why would I note posts about video game characters and the like being made (*recalls last night's vision*)).
K. That all said, time to stand up and do the next post. No fallacies at logic, no omission at details / faxts / truths that are not 'easy'.