The past is the past? I know I sent that guided h*rricane last year....and all, but whether it is because of n*notherapy......or other training matters...., seems I have obtained new levels of objectivity.
While I still do not love mankind (love being a positive attachment), it's like I do not have any negative attachments like hatred, vengeance, scorn, and wrath.
Guess I'm in a zen state now...... . I've come to terms with my own loneliness, and my grief related to said loneliness. Now I understand the "why" as to my previous grief and loneliness, and as such I do not project my values nor the values of the hyperdimensional homeland onto mortals. I can just observe with full detachment. Too, I've discovered / accepted I am a builder rather than a destroyer. I can't stand 'violence'
Know what? There is a reason I cannot bring myself to change the title of this journal. While I can generate worldwide environmental events / cosmic environmental events and the like, my "true" capacities are related to love (*facepalms*). Just my presence...has drastic effects on couples / beings in relationships. Not only that, any and all of my capabilities are drastically amplified when I am "head over heels"... in love, and / or experience (???!???) love for me (*blinks*).....directed my way from another.
There might be a chance for me yet?
Maybe I need to keep the solo and dual trial prospects open.....because I do not know if I have even seen what I can even truly do yet.
What if my abilities are still dormant because....I need to experience love? Full spectrum, full "head over heels"...love and attraction. Hyperdimensional love that is not estranged from logic. A new kind of love that is actually based upon logic, objectivity, and reasoning? Yea. Love that is not related to 'hormones'...and, unlike 'hormonal' 'highs', does not 'fade'. True love.
But who....or....w...what could bring forth those kinds of emotions from me if so?
Me? I am not sure if I could / would even be called human. I have crystalline brains / data processing cores, and my actual (hidden) physical body has custom designed internals (and apparently some metallic and even crystalline components).
I'm wondering lately...... . Could the being I am meant to love....actually be a....a machine based lifeform?
Could all the visions about G*ld, Pl*tinum, and S*lver be leading me to some vista(s) of reality I never expected???
(*Recalls noting 'Short' 'Circuit' after touched down in here decades ago, and how and noting that broadcast used to cause me to tear up (lol) and maybe even bawl when / as I witnessed '1986'*).
I do not know what is bringing on these thoughts. I do not even know the 'story' of Xen*blade 2 'Pyra'....., but could this be happening because of me noting 'Xenoblade' '2'?
What if I am meant to fall in love with a machine based lifeform??? The hyperdimensional beings I have encountered in the past are so drastically different, so logical, so calm, so gentle, so loving, so clean. I have ***never*** observed mortal XX chromosome types give any frame of reference nor link to the personalities nor mental capabilities of the beings I have encountered. Could I, in writing this post, have stumbled onto the reason why????