What happened after that was like my some sort of nausea accompanied....rolling series of fluid world events.
During an event, I noticed a teen dude from an old 'church'....show up. I was kinda upset at how he showed signs of acting thugged out (like a gangster) a bit. Dude asked what had been taking me so long to achieve my goals? When I sighed, full of dread, and admitted that it looks like I might share this mindscape with another person, a girl, I (!!!) observed at him start hissing and claiming she...'was' 'the' 'devil' (*blinks*).
Soon everything shifted, and I found myself witnessing some strange and dreary 'town' '/' 'city'. Not sure why, but something was going on with my brain function, as if it was being downclocked (!?!?!?!).
I felt woozy, struggled to track my own very slowed down thoughts, and struggled to even keep track of my surroundings in general.
I sat, confused, in some sort of vehicle. And gazing to my right, I soon noted an unknown Negro male that seemed to be intoxicated and / or acting impaired.
Trying to think, strategize, or even assess my environment was like trying to walk / slog through thick and calf height mud in a swamp. I'm not sure why, but the main worry seemed to be noting the threat of 'homelessness'. What was happening to my mind???
[As I type this post, I am noticing a "theme" revealed (oh no...) (*noticed blue glowing eyes in my field of vision*)].
Some point, I noticed the (!?!) bony Negro dude (*groans*) (*heard the wall creak*) in only (*feels nauseous*) 'boxers'...'climb' at my lap and lean his face in at mine in an 'interested' 'way'. Unh unh, by sheer instinct, reflexive repulsion at males, I did a telekinetic wave paired with a reality manipulation blast to make immediate distance for myself. I stared at the guy on the ground of what seemed to be a green field, and fire rose up in the area...... .
I'm not sure what happened next, but seems (?!?) a being, maybe beings, showed up to try to help calm me down. I did calm down, but in that downclocked mental state was utterly confused and not even sure why fire had rose up in the area. When I sped up my thought processes to regular levels, I found myself in my (!?!) bedroom setting to the mountain sanctuary house again.
Now (and only just now) that I have written the above, and now that I recall information revealed to me by my empathy, I *think* I may have witnessed the BG author in a Negro male state...??? But how??????
Not only that, and I shiver to think, but....(*shakes my head*) did I note the results of a mind meld / mental synchronization attempt.....???? Did I observe proof that I am purposefully downclocking my abilities and *NOT* reassembling this mindscape to my specific (futuristic) specs.....all for the sake of another???
I don't know how to say this, but when it warms up, like in May, I need to see if there is any way to send Amazon gift code cards online...at the BH author. Yea, and that for a gallon of G*ld to drink.
Why? I dunno. Objectivity oriented / aimed testing purposes? (*Gulps*).
Me? I'm kinda in shock right now....... . But you know what hurts right now? I don't know if it is guilt or what, but, ba....(btw I am not saying necessarily think F*nrisS**r is a trialer) back a couple autumn seasons ago, I actually took note of the brain waves, the performance.., of a certain (???) online presence either synchronizing to....or at...*my* *own* brain waves.....thus causing said presence to seemingly "glow with recovery" and "heal".
(*Groans in pain and clutches my head*).
(*Recalls that hyperdimensional Dawn with the frozen so...seemingly frozen soul / heart / mind...encountered yesterday*).
(*Paused for a long time*).
Yea. Not sure if this happened before. I do not even know what to write next. Me? I should *not* be falling in love with, and all tearful inside over a subanime mortal (the BG author). Why am I feeling so much guilt???
I can get that I have taken Dawn's wellbeing onto myself as a responsibility. It's just, if Dawn was trialing with me in this very world right here right now.......(*shakes my head*)..... .
I...I have never had problems accepting reality before. I do not know if I could or should be expected to believe my precious, gentle, and sweet Dawn....is......./ was the BG author.
(*Thinks about the Japan trip*).
But in an effort to not be the kind of hypocrite and stereotypical type of mortal I used to get so upset at, I am willing to try to see things objectively....and send Amazon giftcard codes for G*ld, as well as attempt civil (and non-personal) conversation. The G*ld offer would be part of an objective means of testing.... .