Why do I exist....? Since I was never born, and do not seem to die, why do I live? What purpose brought me to the dance....so that I could even meet (and thus protect) people, meet (and thus protect) anybody??? Those are the kinds of questions that I had been asking myself..... . Yea. I have somehow made it through the most despair filled couple...of weeks....that I can remember.... . I even held completing this journal post for XIV days....due to intense strain...that I have going through. I did not know, and still....do not know...if this development was due to me wearing The Silver Moon Moldavite Talisman.... . (I have a habit of not taking one word of the homogenous copypasta of 'New Age' 'websites' seriously....., so I did not expect *any* kind of emotional and mental "upheaval" to take place for me). My *deepest* fears were stirred up....(*facepalms*).... . Ancient fears...... . My most...ancient fear.... . My deepest fear....... . Hmmm? You want to know??? (*Feels my face turn blue, and then green*). (*Facepalms*). My deepest fear....my deepest fear is at pregnancy...... . I could withstand witnessing that monstrous Jehovah, withstand witnessing horrific demonic exodimensional abominations, but I just can *not* mentally tolerate '*ANY*' 'notion' of pregnancy.....nor the ones who have the tendency to 'get' 'pregnant'....... . That fear has kept me stuck in this limbo. This me, here, in essence, has even distanced myself from my true identity (that comatose Usagi Tsukino in that crystalline blue place)....... . I guess I am not tough hunh? Yea... . Seems like my mind is kind of fragile...hunh? (*Sighs*). I've been stuck here in this thoughtscape limbo zone feeling ashamed and embarrassed.......... . However, it is that same fear....(!!!!) which has been the crux, the source, of all my planet shaking blasts...... .
Remember these posts? (Please notice the time stamps.....).
I got so upset last year, that the very fabric of my space and time.....rippled like a sheet... . Because of that.....a miniature version of my tsunami triggering blast of yore.....took place.
"More generally, it means that a century of innovation, testing, questioning and plain hard work after Einstein imagined it on paper, scientists have finally tapped into the deepest register of physical reality, where the weirdest and wildest implications of Einstein’s universe become manifest. Conveyed by these gravitational waves, power 50 times greater than the output of all the stars in the universe combined vibrated a pair of L-shaped antennas in Washington State and Louisiana known as LIGO on Sept. 14.
If replicated by future experiments, that simple chirp, which rose to the note of middle C before abruptly stopping, seems destined to take its place among the great sound bites of science, ranking with Alexander Graham Bell’s “Mr. Watson — come here” and Sputnik’s first beeps from orbit."
(Yea. I note the given "singularity" excuse is nonsense, and this statement will be proven.....in the future).
(For the record though, my physiology (*coughs*) (*goes red*)...*does* *seem* (!!!) to involve the feature which scientists label the 'supermassive' 'singularity' designation at.... . Signs indicate (!!!!) that such a feature may be an immensely vital keynote in regard to (!!!) *actual* gender verification (of which reproduction has no part)).
Fact is, the blast event that took place XI years ago had the same basis, the same reason..., as what took place last year. I noted horrible..provocation.... . I will admit that I hid the reason (although I did not lie about witnessing a Jehovah battle). The real reason for the blast??? The real reason was hysterical terror........ . *FEAR*.... . Primal horror of a seemingly endless scale......... . I was driven to a state of hysterical and squeamish terror after noting 'God' 'himself'.....'verbally' threatening forced impregnation (via sexual assault) at me (*gulps in shock and horror*). Yea.... . Being a shrieking and horrified kid, a "cry baby", is what saved my life, my dreams, and is the secret to my blast of yore...... .
My emotions are wild......., and I have the heart of a kid...... . Given...that I am cozy and quite settled in my mountain frontier cabin home, I do not know if I can rely upon "gravity waves" and "earthquakes" to rectify my situation.... . I am going to have to embark..on a new training mission from here.... .