Waking today, I set about to handling matters regarding my lifestyle. I noted a meeting of that "house owner"......"Dawn". I was very wary...... . I witnessed two 'hottie' 'status' (not my type) XX chromosome types. Things went smoothly as I showed my guitar, talked about my music studio plans, and showed my mined gemstones....... . I am worried though.......... . I noted "sexual tension" detected at by way of my empathy senses, and body language reading abilities........ . (*Gulp*). What happens if I get the house, and note "unannounced weekend visits" (????) as I am living by myself?
I am going to go to a voucher meeting tomorrow, and the house will be scheduled for inspection... . (*Sighs*).
How do I feel? I am just tired, and my thoughts have been elsewhere.... . Everything is just surreal lately with the gem mine and this world. (The "house owner named Dawn" thing is just straight up shocking.....lucid dream stuff). I did not cook today since Carolyn and J both cooked breakfasts and dinners...., and the truck event from Friday and my exposed abilities have not even been really brought up. I can only surmise it is because I can defend myself irl now with black hole manifestations. A new feature fook place for me today....through the day though. "Anxiety waves" (!!?!?!?!?!!). Anxiety waves sometimes accompanied by gasping breaths (!??!?!?!). I do not know what is going on with me, but I know ***why*** it is going on.... . My emotions are awakening.... . I am awakening to a long dormant "aspect" of myself that shapes this place. I am awakening (!?!?!) to needs that I did not even know that I had..., and that is because I am awakening and "merging with" my long dormant "broader self"...... . Yea, I need to be with my girlfriend.......(*sighs in embarrassment*). My desire is to fall into her arms.. . I need her.... . I need to spend December festivities time with her. I need her in my daily life here.... . Yea, I am so ***done*** at money, mankind, etc...... . I feel anxiety because I truly and deeply ***need*** her...., and no substitute can fulfill that need. Anxiety... . Wow, what an emotion!!! So intense, so deep, so vulnerable.. . It is like a ***compass***. This is a new emotion for me, a new emotion that thus means new abilities..... . So far, I am noting incapacitating effects..... . It, anxiety, is like...panic, really, but it is need based panic..... . Why did I not have this emotion online for the last couple decades?????? This is kind of embarrassing, this whole thing about having to piece my identity, soul, and my personality together..... .
In any case, I am thankful for the chance to feel a new emotion.. . I am learning about myself..... . I hope this emotion will not be the end of me..... . It is like being underwater and in need of air......in regard to it's primal urgency. (*Finds myself gasping in anxiety*). But it relates to needing a calming presence of a (???) kindred spirit.... . A soulmate. Yea, I love this though ^_^... . Yes, even though it hurts ***so*** ***much*** . It means that I need somebody. Somebody whom I intend to pull this entire planet, this entire realm apart to find... . (*Feels my heart glowing with pain and determination*). Pain has driven the development of my abilities.... . Pain has been my lifestyle for decades.... . This new emotion, this new pain, anxiety, is going to open doors for me... . I pray in thanks for the chance to feel this feeling.
*Prays*. (*Purrs as thinks of the mystery being who helped me find and feel this new emotion*). (*Feels my fingernails glowing with hope*).