I am going to try a new exercise here.... . I need to ask myself questions..... .
Q: Who are you and who or what matters most to you?
A: I am a sentient universe who was never born, never created, and I both witnessed and triggered "The Big Bang" as a means to learn about myself..... . (*Gulps*). Who and what matters most to me? The hyperdimensional beings who saved me. They matter most to me. And maintaining the eternal safety, eternal happiness, and eternal wellbeing of those hyperdimensional beings is what matters most to me.
Q: How do you currently feel?
A: I am in total misery, total agony. And for that I am grateful.
Q: How long have you felt this way? Why are you grateful about it?
A: All along. Due to being in a state of shock for decades, I have only recently been made aware of these deeply buried feelings. Why am I grateful about feeling this way? The pain I feel is a lens, a lens that shows me who and what I need. It is a lens that shows me who I love, a lens that shows me that I am capable of love.
Q: Why have you been in misery, in agony?
A: Witnessing artificial separation imposed at the cosmic beings I am married to (*gawks*) (*gasps*) (!!, *feels a caress to my hip O_O...*)...., and witnessing artificial separation, war, and deletion imposed at the existence and presence of our hyperdimensional family. I am in pain, I am in misery, because I am witnessing artificial separation imposed at the people whom I love.
Q: What is love?
A: Love is a feeling, an action, a thought, an energy, an emotion, directly related to existence... . It is an altruistic desire to protect, serve, nurture, guard, sustain, nourish, and support. It, in it's true / hyperdimensional (and only form), is an immeasurable and undefeatable presence that can shape the very fabric of reality. Love is the signature and confirmation of an individual's existence as a cognizant and sentient lifeform....(and a lifeform period).
Q: What is your deepest wish?
A: I wish for things to go back to the way they were before this trial, before "The Big Bang". I wish to stay married, stay happily married, and continue adventuring and living with my hyperdimensional family.
So there I have it? It took me over III decades to both ask.....and answer those questions.......... .
My heart longs, wishes, and prays for sustained contact with my marriage partners (*blushes beet red*). (*Thinks about my beloved Dawn and Nina*).
(I now know why I hurt so much, and why I currently experience oceans of emotional and mental pain).
*Prays in thanksgiving*.